Do you often get trapped by any of the following?
- I’m too tired,
- I’m so exhausted,
- I’m burnt out,
- I can’t do that what will people think,
- My mom, dad or friends will think I am nuts,
- What if I fail?
- What if it does not work out?
These are the things I hear from many of my clients when they come to me for coaching: “I don’t know what I want to do”, “I need to find my passion or my purpose”, “What’s wrong with me –why can’t I find it?”, “I don’t like what I do”, “I have read the books, or I have done the exercises, I have studied the gurus and still nothing”.
There is a burning fire of despair – what I call being stuck with no chance of escape….or stuck ‘doing life’ rather than ‘living life’. Well stop looking and get real…. You know the answer, you have always known the answer – you are just not ready yet to be honest with yourself and go for it.
Everyone is capable of ‘going for it’ but few have the guts to go for it. The answer is not in one simple thing but rather it is a myriad of forces that come together to give you a path worth following. The biggest mistake I find people make beyond being ‘honest’ is that they believe that living their passion is total bliss and is effortless all the time – no folks that is called ‘paradise’, living your passion is feeling a sense of happiness and fulfillment from knowing at your core what you are doing is right for YOU.
Living or manifesting your passion is not something material or concrete you can hold onto but rather it is a journey, leaving your comfort, your security, your excuses, it’s about making a decision to move forward – a committed decision. A real decision is by my definition – taking the boat to an island and burning the boat – there is no going back…that is a decision.
Think of it as wanting to be a surfer – you can paddle in the waves of the Great Lakes – or you can throw yourself into the biggest waves on earth, and jump in with the sharks and take the risk of having the most exhilarating ride of your life – really feeling alive and knowing that you have arrived. You can turn your back on the world’s biggest waves and stay safe on the lake and still be able to call yourself a surfer, right?
Come on dude – be honest with yourself – are you a ‘suffer’ or are you a surfer?
If you are a ‘suffer’ then you carry a big security blanket around with you ready at any moment to wrap yourself in it. Your usual lament always has a BUT in it – you say things like “Yes, that is the right thing to do BUT” or to protect yourself from risk you tell yourself and others “the whole passion and fulfillment thing is bullshit”.
The sure way to stop yourself form going for it, for going for what gives you the rush and excitement is the ‘BUT’ – the ‘BUT’ blocks your heart or your inner voice that knows where you have to go.
When that voice rises up and says “Yes that’s great BUT…”, then that is exactly what you should be going for – in most cases, give it a try (unless it is really something that can not be overcome – don’t fool yourself, be totally honest). Stand up for a cause, become an athlete, write a book, become a stud or a vixen or whatever it is that turns your crank – but go for it!
If you are still stuck or overwhelmed when you think of going for it or the ‘yes but’ is still stopping you. Then one or all of the 3 chains can be holding you back,
1. I’m too tired, or I’m too old
2. I can’t do that what will people think?
3. I’m afraid
I’m too tired
Check your head space and ask yourself – am I always whining about being tired, or having no energy, or angry and blowing up all the time. Are you always coming up with the “yes but” excuses? If any of these invade your psyche you might be burnt out or truly depleted. Even if you know what you love but you just don’t have the energy to do anything about it then you are probably just too tired to jump on any adventure.
When you are run down your ‘desire fuel’ level is real low and you are running on fumes – just not enough gas in the tank to get yourself going. When your body is barren it just doesn’t work properly and your mind is not sharp nor is it motivated to take on challenges.
When you think you are too old then you are too old – but then ofcourse you know that is just another one of your ‘BS stories’. You are never too old to go for a dream. If you don’t believe it read this story about the KFC dude, Colonel Sanders.
If you have reached a level of depression – or despair then you need to restore equilibrium. Don’t be ashamed to reach out for medical help – severe stress brought on by living a ‘lie’, not being honest with yourself – or being in the wrong job can wreak havoc on your physiology – you may need the help of your doctor to restore balance.
Most people are simply too tired and need to refuel their tank. Consider taking rest, reading a book, going out in nature, going for a walk everyday, doing guided meditations, going on a fast to cleanse your body and adjusting diet accordingly, sleeping, taking a sabbatical, going to an island for a month – you name it – you need to get your fuel level up or forget it. Once you have done so you will wake up and feel motivated to go for it.
Most people don’t take the time to refuel and instead keep struggling against a hill with no fuel in the tank to get over the hill. Take the time and refuel with premium. Once you are ‘topped up’ you will find that zest for life again.
I can’t do that …What will people think?
Too many have learnt that going for what you love, living your passion is selfish or is a bad thing. What they want does not match other’s pristine ideals. Fear of being talked about or being judged stops many in their tracks and unfortunately leads to a life of despair or a life of continuous wanting. The glass is half full but it is ALWAYS half full unless you fill it up.
Who is s responsible for your happiness – you or them? Try these out for size and finish these sentences off….
If I did not give a crap what others think I would….
If my folks would never know I would….
If I could be sure I would get it right, I would….
If I had enough money, I would…
Are you thinking of things that you have thought about before but were too afraid to act on? Or do new things come to mind and make you anxious or excited. If you answer yes to either question then you have been denying yourself and are not following your path. Maybe your support network is not very supportive.
Did you ever think maybe you need to hang around or be around people that have the same interests as you? Leaving or breaking away can be tough but so can dying having denied yourself your destiny. OK so you won’t break away then start doing the things that you have been holding back on (as long as they keep you integral) and please don’t tell your naysayer pseudo-support group – go for it alone for now. See if you feel more alive, if the aches and pains disappear – if you have more energy – if sex and chocolate taste better – then you have your answer.
Fear
Are you chicken? Are you afraid that things might not work out? When I coach I can smell the fear – all the excuses come spewing out. All those excuses sound so good to them… but the real truth is my clients are often afraid of taking the risk, afraid of the failure?
My favorite saying is when you make a decision – make it the right decision – in other words, if things don’t work out the first time adjust and make it the right decision- no matter what just make it right. This is what winners do – losers stay in the ‘try mode’- winners live in the ‘do mode’. Remember, it is not how smart you are that matters it is how smart you act!
Waiting for inner fortification so that you can act brave? Forget about it, it does not work. The only way to develop backbone is to act brave until you are brave. The best way to break through your fears is to announce to the world what you are going to do. When I started writing a book – I wondered constantly who would want to read my book – I knew I was good – I just did not believe it. When I announced it to the world – all of a sudden there was no turning back. The ride has been exhilarating and the feedback has been awesome. By stepping up I am living my passion.
If you move forward, the path will open up for you. If you stay stuck the path will overgrow with vegetation and the vegetation will choke off your path. The struggle will be more painful and physically costly to your health should you ever decide at a later date to go down your path. Right now there are only a few tree stumps in the way …blaze your path and live your life. Marianne Williamson says it best..
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”. (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3].
I believe Marianne would agree that sex and chocolate do taste better when you are living your passion.
Refer this blog post to a friend or colleague…
